A Nervous Ache

Where I'm at: In my room
Weather: 77 degrees outside - inside feels like 90!
Sights: My room
Sounds: Crickets chirping in the backyard (my window is open)
Mood: Unsettled, Anxious

I have felt uneasy all day. You know that nervous ache in the pit of your stomach - like something is wrong, or something bad is going to happen? There's someone that I can't get out of my mind. I'm worried about her. Concerned for her. In the last 9-12 months, we have drifted apart - I feel like she has drifted more than I have, but she may think differently. I feel lost when I think about how to be close to her again. I feel like she doesn't want me in her life. I feel rejected. The human side of me wants to be mad at her, but I know she is hurting inside and for whatever reason doesn't feel safe to open up to me. And I don't know what to do. Do I confront? Do I let it go? What? She is just becoming an adult, going through a lot of the usual challenges of growing up, but some how it's different. There are other things going on her life. Deep in her mind and heart. I look in her eyes and see sadness. And it breaks my heart. I just want to hug her and tell her it will be OK. I want her to trust me, to share with me what is happening. I think she tried to not too long ago. She actually broke down and cried over the phone - but I didn't ask the right questions, and I probably gave her advice instead of just listening. I feel like I am losing her, like she is slipping out of reach.

Please, God, protect her. Help her not to lose hope. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me, bring someone in her life that is mature, and wise and can be sounding board for her. Someone that will guide her towards decisions and choices that are good. After writing this, I'm realizing that I'm actually hurt that she won't talk to me. That she won't confide in me. Is this my pride, God? Is this my "savior complex" that I have to keep in check sometimes? I don't know. She's just not the same. Something is different - more than just the natural angst of growing up. And I feel afraid for her.

Give me wisdom and direction, Lord. I don't want to sit back and just watch her fade away. I want her to know that I care. That I will be there for her. But I can not force her to trust me. I can not make her talk to me. So, I will place her in Your hands, God. Give me opportunities to show Your love to her, and to show/express my love to her. And give me wisdom to know whether I should be bold and talk to her about my concern for her, or to just quietly pray for her and wait for her to come around. I thank You for what you are doing right this minute in her heart. Encourage her, give her hope and give her strength to make the right choices in whatever she is facing/dealing with right now.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.